nostril yoga

when i catch cold and sometimes when i don't, i have a serious which-nostril-to-breathe-out-of freak out. one works, the other doesn't. the working one clogs, the other one's clear. a needle thin stream of air bites the roof of the back of my mouth. i try everything. i lie on my side with one sheet fold covering the open nostril. i lie on my back with my head under covers (forcing my cat the fuck out of the way). i press the clear nostril hard into the pillow at just the right angle to allow for some-but-not-too-much air. i twist a wad of tissue into a cork and plug/adjust the aperture. i open my mouth like grandpa, making my lungs happy even as this provokes cotton mouth. if all else fails i sit up and read until i'm exhausted enough to not give a shit about what a disaster the entire situation has become. if i were a shaman or a guru or a disciple i'd know for sure that this was an opportunity to practice yoga breath, elevate my consciousness and 'arrive'. don't breathe, be happy.